numbskulduggery

Soon to be a minor motion picture

Host: Hey. Hi. Thanks for being here. Hi. You look fabulous.
Guest: Hi. Thanks for having me.
Host: Hi.
Guest: Hi.
Guest: So.
Host: Hey. Hi. How are you? You look fabulous. Like an orchid turning toward the dappled sun of morning, preparing to spread its delicate petals and to reveal its intimate interior, pistal and stamen standing erect, waiting for the soft caress of a honey bee.
Guest: Excuse me?
Host: Just a figure of speech. I used to do porn.
Guest: Ok.
Host: So. Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. You look fabulous.
Guest: Thank you.
Host: So. Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. You look fabulous. Your eyes are porcelain platters and when you turn your attention to me it is as if I am basking in the rays of the rising sun and I know that this is a new day and all of my yesterdays have been left behind. I used to do porn.
Guest: Excuse me?
Host: So. Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. You look fabulous. Were your hair made of wire, surely it would be the finest tungsten filament that money could buy. I understand you have a movie coming out soon.
Guest: What? No, I've never been in a movie.
Host: Really? You should try it. Great fun. I used to do porn. It's as if a freight train were hurling headlong into a tunnel with the engineer yelling "all aboard". Don't get me started.
Guest: I'll try not to.
Host: So. Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. You look fabulous.
Guest: Thank you.
Host: I used to do porn.
Guest: I don't know how to respond to that.
Host: Hey, don't worry. I try not to make a big deal out of it. You look fabulous. Under these studio lights your alabaster skin shines forth like a beacon, its high albedo transforming you into such a super nova of beauty that I must wear sun glasses to guard against your radiance.
Guest: Thank you.
Host: Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. So. You've written a book. That's fabulous.
Guest: What? No. I haven't written a book.
Host: Hey, don't worry about it. I used to do porn.