numbskulduggery
n.
Dishonorable proceedings undertaken in pursuit of an ill conceived purpose.
Soon to be a minor motion picture
- Host: Hey. Hi. Thanks for being here. Hi. You look fabulous.
- Guest: Hi. Thanks for having me.
- Host: Hi.
- Guest: Hi.
- Guest: So.
- Host: Hey. Hi. How are you? You look fabulous. Like an orchid turning toward the dappled sun of morning, preparing to spread its delicate petals and to reveal its intimate interior, pistal and stamen standing erect, waiting for the soft caress of a honey bee.
- Guest: Excuse me?
- Host: Just a figure of speech. I used to do porn.
- Guest: Ok.
- Host: So. Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. You look fabulous.
- Guest: Thank you.
- Host: So. Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. You look fabulous. Your eyes are porcelain platters and when you turn your attention to me it is as if I am basking in the rays of the rising sun and I know that this is a new day and all of my yesterdays have been left behind. I used to do porn.
- Guest: Excuse me?
- Host: So. Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. You look fabulous. Were your hair made of wire, surely it would be the finest tungsten filament that money could buy. I understand you have a movie coming out soon.
- Guest: What? No, I've never been in a movie.
- Host: Really? You should try it. Great fun. I used to do porn. It's as if a freight train were hurling headlong into a tunnel with the engineer yelling "all aboard". Don't get me started.
- Guest: I'll try not to.
- Host: So. Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. You look fabulous.
- Guest: Thank you.
- Host: I used to do porn.
- Guest: I don't know how to respond to that.
- Host: Hey, don't worry. I try not to make a big deal out of it. You look fabulous. Under these studio lights your alabaster skin shines forth like a beacon, its high albedo transforming you into such a super nova of beauty that I must wear sun glasses to guard against your radiance.
- Guest: Thank you.
- Host: Hey. Hi. Great to have you here. So. You've written a book. That's fabulous.
- Guest: What? No. I haven't written a book.
- Host: Hey, don't worry about it. I used to do porn.
QOTD:
“ Despite his sluggish appearance, he climbed the chess hierarchy at dazzling speed.Heh, indeed.
QOTD:
“ I do not wish to invent space aliens in order to shore up Communism. I wish to shore up Communism because it is the best defense against alien invasion.QOTD:
“ If American workers had been rewarded for 100 percent of their increases in labor productivity between 1980 and 2008—as they were during the middle part of the 20th century —average wages in 2008 would have been $28.53 per hour—42.7 percent higher than the average real wage in 2008.
- Motorist: (sound of honking and squealing brakes)
- Girl 1: ...and so, uh, Abby was, is that her name? Yeh, Abby was there and that made me really mad...
- Motorist: Are you girls blind?
- Girl 2: What's her problem?
- Girl 1: Abby, she's just stuck up.
- Girl 2: No, I mean hers. Geez.
- Motorist: Get out of the road!
- Girl 3: Wait, which Abby? The blonde? I hate those scarves she wears.
- Motorist: (honks)
- Girl 1: Really, what is her problem?
- Me: You're crossing against the light!
- Girl 3: What?
- Me: You're walking in the middle of traffic.
- Girl 1: What?
- Girl 2: Omigod! Who is that guy? What is his problem?
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This is a test, my friends. An experiment. I am reminded that not so many years ago a Polish mathematician thought that there was a chance that an experiment he had helped to devise would set the atmosphere of the earth on fire, ending human life. I suppose this is why the United States government — it was under their authority that the test was performed — picked a humid equatorial locale, a place where the dank air would surely smother any fire, leaving America’s postwar inheritance secure. The location of a test is sometimes important, is my point. But I don’t mention this to say that the location of this particular test is important. That is not my meaning at all! Not. At. All. It’s just that I know that you might have had that thought, and so I wanted to take a brief moment to inoculate. This is only a test, and the location — by which I mean the internet — was not chosen for any particular reason. Nor is there any reason to suppose that the test was conducted under the authority of the U. S. government. No reason at all. None.
1 month ago
Drivin’ Nails in my Coffin
Ernest Tubb and his Texas Troubadours
On Tour
(recorded live at the world famous Cain’s Ballroom in Tulsa, Oklahoma)
1 month ago